Monday, March 3, 2008
So What Do I Do Now?
So, I know she is in a better place now, but why am I mad at her? Why do I feel like she abandoned me? I mean, she is with my grandpa now, but not with me. He left me whenever I was only six and did not understand, but now I am eighteen, and I understand, but I just not why. So, help me.. I mean, I know she was sick, but I mean, she could have gotten better if she would have went to the doctor a year or so earlier. I mean, every time I think about graduation, she was always out in the audience with my mom and dad, being proud of me for graduation. And she was there for my first day of college, and my wedding, and everything. But that is because she has always been there. She has lived beside me all of my life. All of the holidays were celebrated there, you know, the major ones like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And well, what am I going to do this year? It is going to be odd not going there, it is like a tradition. And I mean, we can still go there, but she will not be there. And well, she has always been there and now she is not. And well, her house is still there, but she is not. And I do not know what to do. I mean, whenever I needed something, she was always there. She was always there for me to complain about my parents or my brother and sister to. She was always there for me to just talk to. She has just always been there and now she is not and I don’t know what to do. My school work has been slipping, and all of my relationships have fallen by the wayside, and I just do not know what to do besides cry anymore. I don’t really sleep anymore either, I just lay with my eyes closed and drift. Because maybe I am asleep, and this is all just a bad dream?
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2 comments:
I am so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine what you are going through because I have never lost a grandparent so I am not going to pretend that I know how you feel. I have loss my best friend though about two years ago and I know that right now it feels like the world is closing in on you and nothing can get worse but it will get better. I think with every loss there comes a time, some times it can be years later or in a matter of weeks, that you find peace in know that someone isn't suffering anymore. I don’t know your whole situation but I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that time will ease your pain.
I too am sorry for your loss, but you must keep in mind that it is going to get better over time. I also know the pain of losing a grandparent, while I was young. But as you began to understand as you got older, you will hopefully begin to understand now. But as all things do, it is going to take time. I know how it feels when the person you use to talk to is gone. It is not easy but the best thing you could probably do is try to find someone new to talk to. Meanwhile, you have to make sure it does not consume you. Keep your head up and remember that she would want you to be happy.
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