when I grow up, I wanna be..

Throughout the years of playing with barbies with my sister, Tiffany, and my cousin, Katie, and playing with legos with my cousin, Jonathan, I figured out what I wanted to do with my life whenever I grew up. I mean, does anybody ever really grow up? My dad still watches cartoons and eats ice cream at night. He sometimes even complains whenever we don't have any in the house. Temper tantrum? Wait, I thought only babies got those, well, guess not, he is 43 years old. Nobody in my family has been to college, well, two of my older cousins are currently in college, but I'm not as close to them as I use to be. My parents didn't go, and my older sister didn't either, so I'll pretty much be the first one. I actually plan on majoring in criminal justice and chemistry and being a minor in Spanish. I got everything already worked out. The crime shows on television seem fun, and cool, but that is not actually what really happens. I know that through my internship at the sheriff's office. I work with the detectives there in the detective division. They are pretty cool, but they don't do all the stuff that the television makes you think that they do. There is a lot more paper work involved than the crime shows lead you to believe. But that is what I want to do with my life. I want to be a detective. Maybe work for the FBI if I get the opportunity. I would like to do an internship there one summer break from college. That would be a hard internship to get, but it would be a dream one. I think that it would be amazing. If I don't get to work with the FBI, then I will work for a local or state branch of law enforcement in the detective part. I want to work mainly with children and sex cases. Being a woman, I know I would get that case before the men would because of motherly instinct. Also, because I have learned that those cases normally go to women through my criminal justice class. So, when I was younger, my parents use to say that I was going to be president whenever I got older. Then I would then tell whoever they were talking to that I did not want to be the president, I would much rather protect him and everyone else instead.

Where are we going?

When we’re children we often want to be the people that are glorified. Some typical jobs like cops, firefighters, astronauts, maybe cowboys and doctors come to mind. As the kids grow up they see who really gets the limelight- rock stars, movie stars, and T.V. personalities.
I myself fall victim to the latter. Who doesn’t want to be the attractive and talented David Bowie? Who doesn’t want to be the ecstatic Jimmy Urine? I honestly can’t think of a single person who would rather be someone else at some point in time. Sometimes I wish I could even be the president. However, if no boundaries held me down, I would want to be God. Oh please! Don’t give me that Bruce Almighty stuff, about how being god would be hard. If he’s omnipotent, that means he’s everywhere. God can’t be a single focused entity, so how hard could it be to listen to people? There would be millions of me. Anything I could ever imagine or want, all within the snap of a finger. The only downfall that would come with being the G-Man would be the fact that things as trivial as money and lust don’t phase him. So, to be the ultimate I don’t think would be all that fun. Of course the job wouldn’t be difficult in the sense of the work that needed to be done. However, I would sit on my throne of light for all eternity, and be ultimately affected by nothing. I would watch man’s entire existence pass in less than a blink of an eye and not think twice about it. Then, snap my fingers and destroy a mountain, or shed a tear and create an ocean. Being God would be interesting, and the ultimate reality for about 10 minutes. But then being God would be boring and never ending. The occasional hurricane Katrina prank would be good for a laugh every now, but in the end it's uninteresting, and detached. It becomes like all things humans take part in.
After thinking about it all, I think I’ll settle for Del Tha Funkee or David Bowie. Perhaps I would be Johnny Depp, he makes the ladies melt. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll settle for being a little peaceful nobody, that’ll sleep his way through life. Maybe I’ll be the nobody without regrets or live without having to answer to the ever present eye of the public. Yes, that sounds like it’ll be good, I’ll take it.

Indecisive.

When I was little, I tried not to think about the fact that I would eventually grow up and have to do something other than play. As a child I would have been perfectly content with playing Power Rangers with my cousin, Alex, for the rest of my life. But, I eventually came to realize that that just wasn’t an option for a career. And, just as I am now, I went from one idea to another for a career as often as I changed my shirt it seemed. For a while, for some reason, I wanted to be a librarian. I remember this because of my piano teacher’s reaction to it when I told her. Because if you know me, than you know there’s no way I could be a librarian. When I started riding horses I wanted to be a horse trainer. That lasted until my stirrup fell off and I landed face first on the ground. After that incident, I focused my energies on other animals and thought about becoming a veterinarian. Soon after that I realized I’d never be able to put up with animals, that can’t TELL you what’s wrong, all day every day. So, I thought… well, people can say what’s wrong, so maybe being a doctor would be alright. But, I hate blood. So, that was a no. Skipping ahead to the past year or so, I've flirted with the idea of becoming a social worker. But, I’m too scared to pursue that career for fear of becoming too attached to the cases and just ending up a complete emotional wreck. Throughout all of my years, I’ve thought about teaching, counseling, doctoring, and many other things… but, I’ve never been able to completely decide what I would be if I could be anything in the world. Even if there were no boundaries – nothing at all to hold me back, I’m still not sure if I could make a decision without trying a little bit of it all first.

Ruminations on what could be.

As each year goes by, more and more opportunities seem to slip away. With the decisions I've made, and have yet to make, opportunities have either turned away or been awakened.

If there were no obstacles in the way of achieving my dream, I would be a musician. I would play dark venues with my customized light setup, stand in front of my equipment, and make everyone on the dance floor move.

With no time wasted on schoolwork, job searching, or listening to my parents, I could devote all of my time to my music. With money not being a priority, I could purchase all the equipment I need to produce great electronic music.

I would become specifically an electronic musician because I love spending all my time making music. I would make only electronic music because that is the music that interests me most in terms of creating it.

There are so many possibilities and so many toys to use today to create sounds and beats for electronic music that it is becomes almost like a kid in a candy store type wonderland of equipment available. One of the big things about electronic music is experimentation and that is something I find very fun. I could easily spend every waking hour experimenting with equipment creating new sounds and beats until I have a final product that I am satisfied with and am pleased with the experimentation that was involved in creating the song.

Also, it would really please me if other people connected with and enjoyed my musical creations. To play a show and have the crowd bouncing at a rave or something would just be amazing. It would be amazing to have that sort of connection with everyone, especially because it would be my music bringing everyone together.

Making my dreams a reality…

When I was little, kids would always say they wanted to be a police officer, doctor, or teacher. I was different. I have wanted to be the same thing since I was 4 years old. I have never changed my mind and I think that is pretty cool. Still today I say, “I want to be a dolphin trainer when I grow up!” I am very passionate about my dream. It is somewhat crazy, but just talking about my future career makes me really excited and I even have a few butterflies. When I was about 4 years old, I was picked from an audience at SeaWorld to be in the dolphin show. Since then, I guess you could say, my life has been drastically changed.
When I ask people at school about what they want to be, not many people truly know what they want to do with their lives. These people keep changing their minds, especially in high school, and even during their senior year. I have even heard of people changing their minds half way through college! I think that career opportunities have changed significantly in the last few decades. When I was talking to my teacher, Mrs. Callison, she told me that when she was in school, a person pretty much knew what they were going to do with their lives almost as late as freshman year in high school. She told me that people in her generation did not really change their minds, they picked one career and stuck with it for life. Especially for women (and the major disappearance of most of the glass ceiling), careers are more accessible and you are able to make your dreams come true.
For me personally, I want to have a job where I love to get up for work every single day regardless of the size of the paycheck. Ultimately, I am working to make my dreams a reality. I am going to UNC Wilmington to study psychology and marine biology to someday become what I have always wanted to be when I grow up.

Creepy Crawlies and Everything Nice

As a child, my interests and thoughts changed like the weather. I had a best friend whom I spent most everyday day with during the summer. We would bike to each others houses and it was always a mystery what we might be up to that day. I don’t know if it was her or I who came up with idea to be “explorers” but I do remember the game was something we played quite often. Infact, for one summer the game became more of a way of life. It became necessary to carry survival back packs with us at all times. I always carried a pair of binoculars and she always carried a bird watching book (incase we ever need to identify an unknown species!). For fear that we might lose our way; we also always carried a hand drawn map of the neighborhood. Exploring was hard work and we prided ourselves on the ability to compromise work before play. My brother, being a devout Boy Scout, shared with us the Boy Scout way of life and so we took to heart the idea that we always had to be prepared. In order to get ready for big expeditions, we would practice drawing treasure maps on her driveway, studiously study the Mary Kate and Ashley detective movies, and earn funds for our planned trip by setting up a lemonade stand. We also had several trial camping trips in the middle of her living room. Anyway, the game of “explorers” ended as quickly as it started because we both came to the realization that I was too afraid of the dark and she was too afraid of creepy crawlies for us to ever have enough courage to enter into the unknown (or woods!).
Thinking back to my childhood, I see that my accomplishments and failures, such as not becoming the next great explorer, are not only a part of my past and who I am today but also a part of my future. If there were no obstacles in my way, I would love nothing more then to travel the world and experience other cultures firsthand.

When I Grow Up

In elementary school I did not want to grow up at all. As a matter of fact, my friends and I would pretend that we had a time machine that could reverse our ages. I look back on this embarrassing memory and find myself to be a very creative little kid. Every afternoon during recess we would race to the flag pole located in the middle of the school playground. The four of us would hang on the pole with one hand and run around it pretending to spin through imaginary time portals. It only made sense to us that our ages would change forwards or backwards depending on the direction that we went around the pole. When we finished spinning we would act a different age and then spin back through time just before the bell rang. It’s not that I dreaded being older; I just did not want to be forced into adulthood. Although we often ran backwards and acted like babies, I enjoyed it most when we ran forwards and acted like we were teenagers. I thought that being a teenager was the best thing that I could be when I grew up. The ideas of being able to drive, being in high school, and having a job sounded like fun.
Now that I drive, am in high school, and have a job I think my childhood mindset was a little off. Independence if something that I enjoy; however, schoolwork and work are not necessarily fun. Instead I find school as a big, never-ending “to do” list. While work is more like indentured servitude that will pay of my college bills. A little older now I realize that I do not mind growing up into an adult with responsibility. At times I look forward to the opportunities that come with age such as marriage, kids, and retirement. I wonder if my friends feel the same way I do, or if they still race back to the flag pole trying to outsmart the fate of time.

what i want to be!

I always ways liked to work the people, and i loved being in plays and stuff at the performing arts center and other places. So i always pictured myself being a guyt on the stage or something like that. Yet i foud a more interesting topic of greater interest. when i was outside one day when i was 7 i klooked up, and i heard this noise, scared but it sounded really amazing, i peeked up into the sy and say my very first fighter jet. It didn't last long, but that image of that plane stayed with me for a long time. then i wentr on and looked at all the super hero aspects, batman and his skils really made a impression. but then one day aftre i had tried to zoom from my roof to the gournd safely, i knew that the moment my feet touched the ground that i was not going o t like doind that time and time again. Especially if it meant i twisted foot everytime too. Soooooooo!, that day i landed, i again saw a plane high up, and i knew that i would love to be seated on thousands of pounds of thrust then depend on my twisted foot again. Everyday since i have tested and and come over many obstacles to meet the goal of becoming what Tom Cruise portrayed so very well in the movie "Top Gun". so i want to become a fighter pilot and then use those skills i learn in the military to use it in foreign missions in the future, as a mission aviation pilot.

Prosecuting to the full extent of the law

Boundaries, education, work experience: If none of it mattered, I would be a prosecuting lawyer. I grew up with an argumentative family, and was constantly struggling to prove my point. Being raised as a republican, my view towards capital punishment can be summarized as, “Kill them all, let God sort them out.” I have no tolerance for illegal acts, be it drugs, murder or rape. Most small children dream of saving people, rather it be by saving the world, being a firefighter, or the popular doctor. Prosecuting and sending away felons, is my way of saving the innocent victims.
My grandfather has always been a patron of Law & Order and his love for courtroom television seeped into my brain early in life. Given, the television version of the court room is not at like reality, I have always envisioned myself playing the role of the district attorney, telling her lawyers what to do and what not to do, in hopes that I still have a job tomorrow. My dream goes further than simply putting people in jail. I love the chemistry in a law office, and the fact that both the prosecuting and defending lawyer go out to dinner as friends after the case…its great! Another deciding factor to my childhood dreams: Reese Witherspoon. Legally Blonde,he original, sent the cold chill of law school running through my bones. It was a cold chill, but a wonderful chill. That same chill that inspired me not only to use scented paper for a resume, but also to learn more about perms so I could put a murderer behind bars. Witherspoon, as Elle Woods, brought women back to the law office. Yes, I know what you’re thinking…women’s rights who cares. I am no Susan B. Anthony but it is refreshing to see a woman in such a commanding role. As a little girl Elle Woods was a hero of mine and I aspired to be just like her. She was a beautiful high school girl who broke up with her boyfriend and much to her ex boyfriend’s surprise she was accepted into Harvard, one of the most prestigious law schools in the country. What girl wouldn’t want to be her? Not the mention the murderer she put behind bars was a nappy headed, spoiled brat who did in fact kill her father for her inheritance!
Prosecuting law won me over. Between Law & Order and Elle Woods, I could save the world by sending wrong-doers behind bars while looking cute.

A Few Steps up from Nurse Ratched

I have always been what my mom calls a "third shift baby." During the majority of my life, my mom has worked as a third shift nurse at the local medical center. Ironically, the fact that she slept during the day, resulted in me having strange sleeping patterns. My insomnia aside, her work also helped me to sculpt my idea of a dream job.
My mother would constantly bring home random little hospital trinkets to appease my need to play doctor. However, I was anything but a normal doctor. As a 6 year old child, I felt that it was my duty to save lives, one tragic emergency room patient after another. I can remember making CAT scans with Microsoft Paint, and drawing up MRI brain scans with my crayons. My mom would be working in our garage as I would create a appalling story of how her darling infant little girl tumbled down two flights of stairs and received massive brain damage. As the child's doctor and neurosurgeon, I would report to the mother every few minutes. Due to my early pessimism, things would take a turn for the worse fairly quickly. The unsuspecting infant doll would enter my E.R in fairly stable condition. I would then quickly assess the situation as critical, screaming commands as I ran around my house. After I obtained the results of the x-rays and scans, I would diagram parts of the brain and then debrief the grief stricken mother in my garage. Her child, as always, would probably not make it. Meanwhile, I had the wretched doll strapped down to my kitchen table. She had I.V's coming out of every vein and orifice and at least two casts on somewhere on her decrepit body. I would give the "child" shots of "morphine" which was slightly reminiscent of salt water, as I checked the data from her chart.
With my imaginary doctorate from John Hopkins University, the kid never had a chance. I would have to tell the mother that her child had entered a comatose state that she would probably never come out of. I had to pronounce the child, brain dead. It was one of the hardest moments of my imaginary career. Although it was hard, I got some kind of sick sense of pleasure that I had the child's imaginary life in my hands. With one piece of fictional scientific data, I could bring a smile or a tear. I was God, or so I thought and I was sure that I was destined to be on an episode of Trauma: Life in The E.R.
It turned out that John Hopkins University was a bit harder to get into than I anticipated and I hated math. I soon realized that I would have to settle for portraying a doctor as an actor. Indeed, this was what I was actually good at. I am a pretender.

what i dreamt of becoming

When I reminisce on what I wanted to be when I was growing up one memory seems to keep coming to mind. When I was about ten or eleven I wanted to become a back up dancer for Britney Spears. I would spend hours upon hours choreographing dances to her songs up in my room. The night that her second CD came out I rushed out to buy it. For the rest of the night I was upstairs listening to and dancing to my new obsession. On many occasions I requested my parents to come and watch me preform one of the many dances that I had come up with to her songs. Thinking back I am sure that the dances were all horrible, but never the less my parents were understanding. I thought that Britney was the best thing that had ever hit the music scene in the ‘90s. I like many girls were so caught up in the innocence and charm that she brought to MTV that I would tune in to TRL religiously to see where her videos landed for the day. One year Britney hosted one of the award shows, I recall trying to convince my parents into letting me stay up to watch it. I was so fascinated by what she was wearing and such that I distinctly remember throwing a fit when my parents told me it was finally time for me to go to bed. Furthermore, many of my friends were also into Britney, but looking back I think that I was the most hardcore about it. When she came through Charlotte my fourth grade year I begged my Dad to take me to her concert. I absolutely loved the emotion and excitement that she and her dancers brought to the stage. When we got home my Dad said he hated it, but I suppose that is expected. Over the years I began to grow out of my fantasy of becoming one of Britney’s dancers. Now I thank god that I did not follow through with my aspiration, since I am actually somewhat uncoordinated and more mature in knowing what I want to become.

What I Thought I Would Be

When I was a kid I wanted to be many different things. I remember when I was around five years old I wanted to be a police officer. I wanted to be one because my daddy is. Then for a couple of years I wanted to be a teacher. I had some of the sweetest teachers that were inspiring. If there were no obstacles in my way, I would probably want to do something in film or television. A couple of years ago, my dad jokingly said that I should be a film critic. I took it pretty seriously. I did think about being a director. I think that I might like to be involved in the casting process. When I read Star Wars books or comics, I like to make my own fantasy casting call. I look for actors that fit the physical description, have qualities that show that they could do the role and I need to have seen something that they acted in. For example, I think that Sophia Bush and Jared Padalecki would be great as twins Jaina and Jacen Solo. She looks the most like Jaina out of all actresses I have considered. I can not quite pinpoint what about her makes think of Jaina. Padalecki looks exactly like Jacen on the Japanese cover of The Joiner King. After watching a few season 3 reruns of Supernatural, I think he can play dark and dangerous incredibly well. Being that Jacen becomes a Sith Lord, the ability to play a dark and dangerous character is very important. I had also thought about being a writer for a television show. I care a great deal about what the fans think. I frequent the message boards everyday for their opinions. Probably, the two shows that I would like to contribute to would be either General Hospital or Power Rangers. Ever since Disney bought Power Rangers, the writing has gone down hill for the past couple of years. It seems like the red ranger is the center of attention seventy percent of the time. I would make sure that the other rangers (especially the girls) get some character development. As for General Hospital, I would put less focus on mob wars, Sonny, Jason and Carly. I think more time should be spent on the other characters and couples. And most importantly, I would put the focus back on the doctors, nurses, and the hospital! Today, I have no idea what I would like to do.

Dreams of Pop Stardom

When I think about my dreams and interests as a kid, my first realization is that a lot of things have changed, that I am a very different person now. But if I think a little longer, I realize that I have not really changed that much. The dreams I had when I was little involved people and friends who are still very much a part of my life. I think that my most endearing childhood dream is my idea of being in a rock/pop band. I spent several years of my childhood with three best friends in a club that centered around our common love for the Backstreet Boys. The whole idea seems humorous to me now, but we took ourselves very seriously at the time. I would dream about growing up and becoming a female version of the Backstreet Boys, even touring with them. The goal seemed very attainable at the time; my sister and I would sing together, and it sounded like girl band material. My sister, an anonymous friend who may or may not be in this class, and I would spend hours making up complex dances to various pop songs, all the while envisioning ourselves on stage opening for our beloved Backstreet Boys. I was convinced that we were more familiar with all of their songs than any other fourth-grade girl. I knew that with our obvious talent, it was a sure and steady road to fame. Even in junior high school, I still dreamed with four of my best friends about forming a band and opening for our favorite artists. While my dream of becoming famous has admittedly faded, my love for music remains. I guess my childhood dream about being in a pop band was just my way of loving music at the time. And my best friends with whom I made up Backstreet Boy dances are still my best friends as a senior in high school. So when I think about my thoughts about the future as a fourth grader, I realize that my perceptions were not terribly off track.